I'd like to be under the sea
[Recent Entries][Archive][Friends][User Info]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Amanda" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
|
03:49 pm
[Link] | spirits are up again! back in the swing o things, back to enjoying life. all's good!
|
|
07:20 pm
[Link] | kind of having an existential crisis. it started eating at me and i didn't know what it was. decided to just lie on my bed and think. (is that lame? i don't really care..) i thought that i'm not spontaneous anymore. i don't have free time to be mischievous. i don't have a small group of close friends like i used to. i miss it. and i am tired of how much work is required to get through this double music major thing i'm trying to do. and the MAT program. and i'm wondering...i dunno.
just everything in my life is so planned right now. and i hate it. and i'm thinking too much about the future. (what to do after graduation and 5th year of student teaching?) get married? teach? perform? move to Switzerland? I am stuck. in a system. and i want out. and it scares me that somehow i found myself in a major that will lead me straight back to ...a system. do i really want to be done with school just to go right back in it? i mean, i could perform. i'm not as excited about it as i used to be, though. performing requires a lot of energy. and i used to have it. and i'm wondering where it went.
it will come back. it's just a dull day. it was beautiful this morning, warm, sunny...Will's azaleas were blooming, the birds chirping.
i just... i dakdjoifja ;d
I am frustrated and i can't fullly explain why...i dont really kwno why...i i'm jsut having a mini existential crisis. i can feel it in the pit of my stomach.
arrgh
|
|
11:01 pm
[Link] |
because i can feel my heart beating in my chest
it's amazing how a few free hours can really free up my spirit and re-inspire me. I am back in touch with myself, my purpose, my passions...
rather than being a mindless class attender, cranking out assignments and correct notes in songs and taking meticulous notes on lectures. I have rediscovered excitement for learning things, for finishing school. budget cuts in the music department are crazy sad. but it kinda frees me up to do other things. I now have 2 less credits for my senior year semesters, so I can do something that I've always wanted to do....opera. i'm excited. I still have to talk to my profs about what i'm supposed to do about my jazz ensemble requirement for the jazz studies major since they took away vocal jazz ensemble. blech.
i was going to use this rare chunk of free time to blaze through some psychology and music history readings, but instead I have looked through some music with new eyes and explored some new things in the iTunes store and planned out how i'm gonna spend my senior year and gotten increasingly excited about going to Italy in 9 days! ahhh!
anyways. i'm just glad i had an opportunity to get back in touch with myself. i need time alone every now and then to really be happy around my friends and family.
i really hope my senior year can be kind of easy-going. i like this feeling i have right now. i'm not worried about anything. sure, i have plenty of things that need to be done, but...i just need to take it a step at a time.
btw i really enjoy teaching gymnastics more and more. i think it'll help me in the long run to be a better teacher of music. i dunno. they're completely different, but it's helping me develop a teacher personality.
and i want to learn another instrument and get really good at it. i think it would be pretty sweet to be able to do some jazz flute.
Current Mood:  calm
|
|
09:08 am
[Link] |
randomz
So I'm crazy congested. how fun!
I dreamt last night about being on a cruise under the warm tropical sun. I take this as a sign that I need a vacation.
Italy in 11 days! Can't believe it!
I need to find someone to cover my gymnastics classes for that week of Italy awesomeness.
I also need to turn in housing forms. and do taxes. actually, i already tried doing my taxes but they need info from last year's taxes to make sure i'm the right identity or whatever. so i need to find that info.
I need to study. and find someone to share music history CDs with me.
I need to translate all of my voice repertoire so I know what I'm singing about.
I need to practice more.
I bought my recital dress this weekend. it's HOT. I'm excited.
I also got my eyes examined and I'm supposed to go 4 steps up in my right eye and 3 steps up in my left, but I couldn't afford to actually buy the glasses.
too many things require money. rar.
I should go get ready for ballet now. seeeya!
Current Mood:  trying not to be stressed
|
|
10:39 pm
[Link] |
3 weeks till FINALS!
lately, i go through strange periods of laziness and lack of motivation and then revived motivation and enthusiasm. it's crazy.
i am kinda scared of the rest of the semester. This week I have 3 days of classes, a recital to attend and a gig to play at and then leaving late wed. night after watching opera to go to VMEA for a couple days. Then next week will be 2 days of classes and a Jazz Combo concert to perform in and then it's Thanksgiving break! (and i always go to Ohio for thanksgiving, and never do homework there. it is strictly family time.) then come back for performing in HOliday Happening. And the week after thanksgiving break 3 research projects are due, and Chamber Choir is performing, and Conducting observations are due, and the final conducting taping willl be that week, and then there's SAI's Initiation, which i am in charge of. then it's finals/juries week. and oh, did i mention i won't be able to rehearse with my accompanist until a week before jury week? that's a bit stressful.
ANYWAYS. I am trying so hard not to get stressed and discouraged. I will try my best to take it just a day at a time and conquer one thing at a time. I just wish so much wasn't due all at once! I am hoping next semester will be better. I am taking ballet, so I'm excited about that. but my Tuesdays and Thursdays will be booked straight from 9:30am to 5:15pm. (with a small lunch break 12:15-1:00). but, I am complaining. and i hate when other people complain about how busy they are and here i am complaining about it. i am a hypocrite. but EUROPE during spring break will be EXCELLENT! so excited. dunno if i wanna keep teaching gymnastics in the spring. don't wanna wear myself out. i do enjoy it though. and money is nice. i guess we'll see.
and wow am i excited for winter break. free time! woot! and christmas and newyears and stuff! whee!
ok ramble time done must do homework
|
|
10:59 pm
[Link] |
junior-year-burn-out?
so, i was thinking about how backwards things are right now, as far as my passion for music goes. i almost feel like i'm burning out. which isn't good. but i know deep down there is still a flame, cuz how else would i still be going without it? i know i still care about it because i become inspired when i have time away from all the academic craziness. when we are on a break, i rediscover artists i like to listen to, i find myself venturing into music books to learn new songs...but while i am actually in school to study music, i am completely and utterly tired of it. it's so backwards. and then my spark is revived when i have random gigs at corner pocket or buon a mici's...because it is just sooo fun! but, right now, i just want to curl up in bed and sleep for a few days and eat lots of chocolate and watch tv and be a lazy bum! this music program consumes time like no other. there's no room for error. when you aren't in class, you are practicing solo pieces or rehearsing with an ensemble or attending concerts or performing in concerts or doing homework or research, or at work (if you have a job, which i do...3 of them). there's no time to goof around. i'm so tired of it. the music department needs to learn how to have fun, damnit! and there's my rant. i need to go study for music history before my body shuts down. (lately, no matter how hard i try to stay up late to finish papers or studying or anything, my body crashes at midnight. just because i am so exhausted.)
on a more positive note, will and i have been goin strong over a year now. i love him so much.
also, i miss autumn in the mountains. so much prettier there.
when did i start growing up? this is not okay. oh, and if obama doesn't win tomorrow i will be devastated.
peace!
|
04:30 pm
[Link] | life is funny.
|
|
11:14 pm
[Link] |
and tonight i shall express my thoughts in list-form?
just a few random thoughts:
1. i have a new favorite shampoo: Kiss My Face Whenever Shampoo. my hair=instant awesomeness.
2. i didn't see any fireworks today. bummer. next year wherever i may be i REFUSE to work on the 4th of July.
3. i forgot how amazingly calming and soothing Nag Champa incense can be. i stopped burning it for a while cuz it messes with my stepdad's lung, and also dormrooms don't allow incense. anyways, i'm burning some now and it smells super amazing.
4. remind me to stop buying facewashes with those little beady exfoliants in them. gentle foaming cleansers are so much better for my type of skin.
5. i am such a girly girl lately.
6. i have a strange cramp in my upper back/neck. i want it to go away.
7. summer school needs to end. PRONTO. my awesome jazz camp and puerto rican vacation need to happen NOW. and then i must go back to CNU. immediately.
8. i love my boyfriend. SO much.
9. i don't really have anything left to say, but i feel like i should make it to 10 now that i've made it thus far.
10. i hope you all had fantabulous days!
Current Mood: calm
|
|
10:24 am
[Link] |
i want a garden of wildflowers
went for a walk this mornin' and went down a road that is just overflowing with wildflowers. I decided i want a garden full of them. just let them go wild. they made me incredibly happy so i picked a handful. there was also a bright yellow finch hopping along the fence of the horsefield next to these flowaaas and it also made me happy.
 <<flowaaas. :)
Current Mood:  happy
|
|
09:48 pm
[Link] |
Mash Game: Predict Your Future at eSPIN-the-Bottle
| |
 |
| |
 |
I will marry William Hanson. |
|
| |
  |
After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Iceland in our fabulous House. |
|
| |
 |
We will have 1 kid(s) together. |
|
| |
  |
Our family will zoom around in a red smart car. |
| |
 |
I will spend my days as a artist, and live happily ever after. |
|
| |
 |
| |
|
09:38 pm
[Link] | i ate too much icecream. and now i feel fat.
Current Mood:  full
Current Music: linda ronstadt
|
|
11:15 pm
[Link] | I was in a huge packing/organizing mood tonight. I wandered around my room going through my jewelry and makeup and nailpolish, organizing it all into neat little boxes and bags as if I were taking it all to CNU with me tomorrow morning. It's CRAZY that basically in like 16 days I could technically move back but I can't because of stupid summer classes!!! aggh! I'll get through it though. June flew by. I'm sure July will too. especially with jazzy week of awesomeness in washington state. then august won't be too bad either cuz i'm goin on a cruuuise. yeahh. I'm on some kinda nailpolish and lipgloss kick lately. Usually in the summer I'm all for just going bare. barefeet, bare-face, bare...everything. haha. except not naked. not really. maybe i'll become a nudist. yee! anyways, i am only procrastinating further on reading chapter 8 in my biology textbook. it's just so hard to sit through. too many details. and new words. and i get distracted too easily by colorful things lying around in my room. man i am still in a packing state of mind. i just started listing in my head things i need to buy before i go back to CNU. (like kitchen supplies!) rarg. hokay. biologyy here i come!
Current Mood:  distracted and daydreamy
Current Music: Schubert
|
|
10:11 am
[Link] |
wow, what a beautiful world!
On my walk this lovely late morning, I encountered a doe and her 2 beautiful spotted fawns, a turtle with yellow rings around his eyes chillin by the side of a road, and a stealthy sleek black cat crouching amongst shrubbery watching ruby red cardinals gracefully go about their business under a canopy of shady green leaves. And of course I also encountered spastic furry squirrels dropping nuts from trees and flailing their fluffy tails. There are just so many beautiful creatures on this beautiful earth.
Current Mood:  serene
Current Music: Nikolay Medtner's Quintet for Piano & Strings in C Major, Movement 1 <3
|
|
12:30 pm
[Link] | I was looking at my mapped out plan of classes for the rest of my years at CNU and I got excited cuz I totally have a space to fit in a ballet or jazz dance class!!! woot! So then I scoured my closet/room/basement to see if I could find my old ballet shoes/ jazz dance shoes...and they are nowhere to be found. sadness.
but in the process I found some colorful yarn I forgot about and will totally start making a scarf out of. yay!
i woke today with a renewed enthusiasm for life in general. dunno why. but it feels good!
i think i'm just excited about everything coming up...jazz camp in july, puerto rico in august, fun classes coming up in the fall, gonna turn 21 in february, gonna go to europe in the spring...
just...excitement!
Current Mood:  rejuvenated
|
|
09:42 pm
[Link] |
random update on my life! (I know, it only happens like...biannually..)
So I donated my hair this morning. It's super short now and I still need some time for it to grow on me, but I've gotten compliments, so that's good. woot! also, was accepted to the port townsend jazz camp in washington state!!! am super-super-duper excited. Kim from New York Voices is the vocal person along with other people I haven't heard of, but I'm sure will be amazing. and the whole camp is directed by John Clayton, super-amazing bassist. wooot! It will be a summer week of pure jazzy enjoyment and inspiration. plus I don't have to pay a dime. YAY! also, lord fairfax has surprised me and i am thoroughly enjoying summer classes. even if i complain and procrastinate. Target is the same ole' thing but I've gotta stick with it so I can save money for Europe. (yes! Europe! I'm going with the chamber chorus in spring 2009!) I miss Will like crazy but we're calling eachother often and i still feel loved. :) <3 Going back and forth between culpeper and warrenton kinda sucks sometimes and i can't wait to move back to CNU because that's a place i can call my own. too bad my summer classes are 10 weeks instead of the anticipated 5, so I can't move back in as soon as I hoped. but whatever, I'll make more money at Target than at the Ferguson Center. So I guess it's for the better. It was really hot today and my car doesn't like to cool down much. I think chevrolets have AC problems, cuz my first car didn't have working AC either...of course that was an '88 oil-eating dying contraption on wheels. but still...chevys need to fix their AC's. blah. and i like avocadoes. yay life!
Current Mood:  cheerful
|
|
04:41 pm
[Link] |
yahh hokay random myoozik shuffle post! wheee
How Your Life Shuffles You. Put Your iTunes into shuffle and complete the blanks.
You mostly lie to people about: "Rondo, Op. 73" -Chopin, played by Beret
The last time you had sex: "Not So Soft" -Ani DiFranco (HAHAHA)
You were dumped because: "So this is the night" -the Slackers
Your neighbours think of you as: "Alegretto grazioso e dolce" (translation: moderately quick, graceful, and sweet!) -Leopold Godowsky, played by Hamelin
Your boy/girlfriend found out that you were cheating on him/her. S/he: "Slavonic Dance No. 2" -Dvorak
When the lights go out: "Scherzo" -Mahler
If you were to choose between your crush and your bestfriend(of same sex): "Portrait" -Lucia Micarelli
You treat strangers like: "Rubberneck Lions" -Oysterhead
And they treat you like: "Chelsea Hotel" -Rufus Wainwright
The first time you had/will have sex: "Crystal Ball" -Keane (Ball....ding!)
The best thing your mother did for you: "Prelude No. 2, Op. 28" -Chopin, played by Beret
You really got your best friend angry when you told him/her: "Unrequited" -Ani DiFranco
You get mad when someone asks you to: "Where is the Love" -Damian Marley
The action that rocks your socks: "Prelude-10 La Cathedrale engloutie" (the engulfed cathedral) -Claude Debussy (well, Debussy rocks my socks)
The words that rocks your socks: "Prelude in E minor, Op. 28, No. 4" -Chopin (well, the music rocks my socks....music is my form of speech now! bahahah!)
|
|
02:14 pm
[Link] | it's 3 months today for me and will. :) <3
feels like it's been longer, because we dated about a month before we made it "official."
whee!
yay love!
Current Music: ani
|
02:13 pm
[Link] | damn you hiccups!
|
|
12:10 am
[Link] | hiya! it's been a coupla months since i've used this thang. hey lj-ers! yay! solife is good. exam week was crizazy but what can ya do. i pretty much rocked out on my exams. woot. now i'm at will's house. stayin here a couple days before i go home for ze winter break. he's sooo good to me. <3<3<3 will. for serious.
we're gonna make christmas cookies tomorrow. i'm excited. school is great and all, but whenever a semester finishes, i start doing other things again. like painting and coloring and reading and knitting. that i never have time for during the semester. it's like...woah i forgot that i have hobbies. ya know? it's crazy. i'm excited for next semester. it should be fun. still stressful though, taking 19 credit hours againn. but i'm really hoping that sacred wilderness class will be super awesome. i need to finish some christmas shopping. mannn. i want to go to paris. we watched ratatouille today and it was really cute. i want to go everyyywhere. i'm so jealous of sallie and indigo for being at school in rome! man. i wanna get out and see the world! i'll see it eventually. hrmm. i think i'll go knit for a bit while will's in the shower. yayee.
Current Mood:  loved
|
|
03:32 pm
[Link] | I feel like I am SO close to being able to just break through and do my thang. but not yet. It's so close it's frustrating.
there's so much I want to do.
kay, so school scheduling is crazy. fall break is coming, i'm leaving friday and will be home till tuesday. so yay! i was invited to go camping with some people, which would be oh so amazing and chill and awesome because i wanted to go camping this summer really bad and never had a chance to, but i already planned on going home. and i kinda need it a little bit. also, my jazz lesson went really well today, dr. fowler said i would probably be ready to sing the tune i was working on at corner pocket tomorrow night if i had the lead sheet ready to go, but i have a quartet rehearsal tomorrow night anyways. so ..yeah. and ..ahghgh. yeah. i just. there's so much. to say. but i have so little time.
will is a sweetheart. he's so much better to me/for me than steven ever was. right from the start, we connected, had some of those magical little sparks...woot! yeah. wow so cheesy and girly. i don't care. he's sweet. and he loves outdoors like me and he's an amazing pianist/composer. so yeah. (he wrote a song using my initials! agaldoi!) anyways.
going to the gym soon, then going to see the opera tonight. i have to write a lesson plan for brass tech. i have to study psychology. i have to wake up super-early tomorrow to observe at a middle school before classes. i have to make an MENC flyer for the halloween dance.
btw i had an interview to work at ferguson center the other day and i think it went really well. but if i get that job it might add more stress to my life cuz then i'll have even less time. but...who knows. income is good. over fall break i need to practice a lot. but i need some relaxation. iiiii
sorry, this post is all over the place. i'm a little stressed but really happy but frustrated but excited but.....tired? but really energized by lifffe i donno. i'm everything all at once. right now. and i think i might explode. anyways. maybe i'll elaborate/clarify later. i just needed to like...splurge a little textual vomit.
love!
Current Mood:  crazy
|
[<< Previous 20 entries] |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
mandypandy's journal